Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Challenge 32: HERO
It is around midday. I am sitting in the armchair that is clothed with red silk and decorated with green cushions. I am reading a book. The book is very interesting and is helping me gain knowledge about the world that existed so long ago. I see that I have read thirty pages in one hour. I am quite pleased at myself, seeing how the writing on the old, yellow pages are just so tiny. As tiny as ants, in fact. Although my mind starts to wonder off, I pull it right back and continue reading about the young African boy who has just found out that his headmaster had lied to him. REVENGE is all he can think right now. I imagine what I would do if someone betrayed me like that. I would probably want revenge too. Does that make me a bad person? Hm. I continue to wonder.
As the book slips off my hand and I stare into the distant pink wall bathed so elegantly in the bright, yellow sunlight, I notice something. Something that I could have sworn wasn't there previously. I thrown the book down and move swiftly across the room and towards the wall. My eyes are narrowed, my mouth open, and my hands gliding helpless in the air. I feel almost like I am floating. As I get closer to the wall, I see it. On the polished ground, just where the soft pink of the wall and the shiny brown of the polished wood meet, there is a living thing. A breathing thing, that has life just like me. It is lying there, with the appearance of a rock, although I can tell that it is breathing, very heavily. I bend down on my knees and bring my face very close to this peculiar object. I notice the thin feather-like substance that is covering every bit of this creature. As it rolls, I see two beady, delicate, brown balls, which I imagine are the eyes, on a head so small that I could circle it with my two fingers. The little eyes are crying for help and I can see them slowly shutting, meaning to close forever. As it rolls once more, I see two out-stretched wing-like things, which I assume are, of course, used to fly with. There seems to be bright, red paint smeared on of the wings and the contrasting brown of the feather tells me that something is not right.
Having never encountered such an alien object, it crosses my mind to call somebody else, someone who would know better. However, I want to handle this on my own. I delicately stretch my hands out and gather the helpless fellow in my hands. I take it back to the armchair and rest it there, while I go fetch some medicine. We usually don't have one around, but surprisingly, I see one lying right inside the cabinet. I hurry back, hoping desperately that I am not too late. I play with the medication and try to put everything I had learned in my classes into use. The little ball of feathers already starts to look better. And just like that, I feel like I am a superhero who has saved the day.
Challenge 31: Confusion
As an elder sister of two siblings, I am usually the role model in the family. However, when in comes to attitude and reactions to things that bother me, I have to admit my sister handles it better. For example, when I have a headache, my whole day is ruined. I cannot function and I just have to lay down and do nothing. I get grumpy and annoyed at little things and become quite selfish, I admit.I ruin my day as well as everyone else's. My sister, on the other hand, can handle an insignificant thing like a headache way better than me. Although the pain is bothering her, she will shrug it off, put a smile on her face, and move on with her life. But I can't do the same. Why can't I? Well, because I don't want to shrug off something that is bothering me, and instead, I want to see to it that I get a painkiller. And that is the difference between us. When it comes to situations like these where the attitude is concerned, rather than the problem itself, my sister can handle it better. However, does that mean that I have to change the way I am in order to approach life the way my sister does? They say, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Well, no, I can't. And I won't change my attitude just to match my sister's. Yes, maybe I do need to keep in mind that I am taking up somebody else's time and being rather pessimistic, but is asking to be cared for too much? Usually, people get annoyed at me for being grumpy and inconsiderate. They think that I am just wasting my time complaining and that it is bothering them. This is where I get confused. Why can't I express my pessimistic side? Why can't I get to be angry or mad or frustrated or annoyed? Why are other people so bothered by them anyway? These are my emotions too, and I should be able to express them, right? And being cynical at times is good because I am expressing what I am feeling and am not trying to hide it. I want to show that I am bothered, that I am uncomfortable, and that I do not like way things are going. I want to express my feelings because being cynical or any other negative emotion is a part of me, whether everyone likes it or not. And because I am the one who gets to control my own emotions, I will choose to express them or not, no matter the case.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Challenge 30: Name
We are all born. We are all given different names. Names give us a sense of identity. Names are what we all associate our personal selves with. Names can also originate from different languages. However, one name can mean many different things, like "Maya," which means different things in different languages. My grade school friends used to make fun of my name. They used to call me "Antenna" instead of "Athena." My father loved that Greek name and gave it to me as a second name, especially for when foreigners couldn't pronounce my Nepali name and said my name with a special stress on the "d," which is something that gets me red and glaring. Anyway, it was slightly odd to have a Greek name, knowing that I had not connections with it, whatsoever. Because of this, and because of the torture from my tiny friends, I decided to drop the name and went by "Bidushi" instead.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Challenge 29: Routine
High school? Two words: no drama. Yes, my high school is different from other high schools. It is better in many ways: it is situated somewhere where nobody can discover it, it has monkeys jumping off trees every now and then, it is located nowhere near a mall, and it has some of the most beautiful views I have seen. And, you know what the great thing is? I love it here. Though sometimes things can get a little messy and I feel like never being in this place again, eventually, everything becomes right and life moves on in the "foothills of the Himalayas," as they say.
When I was younger, school meant, well, only school. Study hard, do a good job, please your parents, make good friends, and just the usual. However, as I grew up here, I started looking beyond just the ordinary. I wanted to make the most of my time here, whether it be in sports or just taking advantage of the place.
So, almost every day, I walk down to dorms alone. Yes, many others do too, but to me it holds special meaning. As my take my time, I look at the trees around me, observe the scenery, while being careful of wild monkeys. During winter time, the sunset looks magnificent: the soft blend between colors that decorate the sky that seems so far away. Red, pink, orange, purple, yellow, and blue, all at once. Next to the horizon lays the silhouette of the hill across, and overall, the scenery looks like a work of art, stuck in the sky just for me to enjoy. As I watch the sky, I think about, well, everything; I think about the fight I had with my sister, the friend who is annoying me, the teacher who cannot explain something to me, the book I forgot to bring to dorms, the amount of work I have. It may all seem so ordinary, but during this time, I reflect upon my day, try to understand what I need to improve, and think about what kind of a person I am. If I have a dispute with someone, I want to resolve and make up my mind to go and apologize. Besides these thoughts that are constantly occupying my mind, I try to connect to the environment around me, and try to make the most out of what my school has to offer.
Challenge 28: Life
Parents have always been around. They always look out for you and take care of you. They give you your pocket money, pay for your school fees, educate you about risks, make sure you have a happy life, show you the importance of love and friendship, and much, much more. To me, my parents are people whom I can always trust and go to whenever I need. They have raised me, loved me, and have always been there whenever everything seems to fall apart. But, how long is this going to last? They are going to die eventually, everyone is. I depend so much on them and then, one day, just like that, they are just going to disappear and I will never see them again. And this is true not only for parents, but for everybody. One by one, everyone is going vanish and soon, I will be left by myself. So, yes, we are all alone in this world. We are thrown into the world with people who care for us and love us. But eventually, we will be left all by ourselves, no matter who we are. That's how life works and that's reality. You cannot always have comfort around you; you need to suffer, get a taste of what it is like being alone because this is all part of being human.
Honestly, I have imagined many time what it will be like when the people I love around me are gone. I will be alone and unsafe, friendless and abandoned. I will be left in this world to fend for myself, think for myself, and will be barely making it. But, hey, what can I do about it? Well, nothing really. This cycle, where people come and go, is not going to end just because I remorse about it and wish for it to end. People cannot live forever. This is reality and I need to accept it.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Challenge 27: Book
Monday, November 28, 2011
Challenge 26: Home
The smell of steamed momo's along the streets. The yellow, red, orange lights that colorfully decorate buildings. The silence lingering in the streets after the sun has set. The feel of the busy road on a hot day. The sea of happy faces engaged in their own little worlds. The loud conversations of the shop keepers across the street. The swarm of local students in blue streaming out of the public school. The occasional baah from the cows roaming awkwardly down the paved roads. Yes, I am going to miss every bit of it. My country Nepal, my hometown, the place where I belong. A country so different yet so special.
I have thought about a million times and I still do. I am young and still have a long, long way to go in life. I have dreams I want to pursue, goals I want to meet, things I want to experience. I love my country, and yet, I feel like I haven't seen enough, done enough, been exposed to change. My country gave birth to me, shaped the way I think, gave me an identity, let me have a place to call home. Yet, sometimes, I catch myself thinking about living somewhere else, somewhere far away from home, in a place so unimaginably different. Right now, I feel like the journey with my country ends here. I wish to not return, but instead, travel to places so different and new, and discover another life. Although I will miss the comfort of my hometown, I think that this age is pushing me to look in another direction, think in another way. However, when I am old and withered-out, desperately holding onto the small amount of life inside of me, I will look back and remember the place I grew up. I will catch a plane from there and fly straight home. I will brush away the tears that will obstruct my vision as the plane descends down the horizon and the city starts taking shape. Then, as I step on the soil of my beloved nation, I will feel victory for accomplishing the single cycle of my life and ending just where I had begun.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Challenge 25: Colleges
Friday, November 25, 2011
Challenge 24: Money
Money. Something we all need,
yet something that destroys us.
Something that strips us off of our trust,
and something that creates problems.
Money. Everybody wants some.
Some earn it, others work for it,
and some just steal it
because it seems to be the only way.
Money. You are judged by how much you have.
Can you afford the newest iPod?
Can you spend that much money every time you leave your house?
Can you buy a better car than before?
Money. Doesn't grow on trees.
Yet it seems to, when you have too much.
Doesn't grow on trees.
No, not for those in need.
Why? Why did they invent it?
Wasn’t taking my sock for your lace enough?
A fair give-and-take trade.
Simple and happily-resolved.
As I sit here in the dark hall,
Typing away in the computer,
I look at the money I just got,
And still can’t help but feel afraid.
Afraid of losing the money.
Afraid of being irresponsible.
Afraid of feeling the guilt.
Oh, to hell with money.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Challenge 23: BOLD Prediction
People today predict that the world is going to end in 2013. Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't; that doesn't bother me. I am not going to say that the world is going to end in 2020. No. There is, however, another prediction I am about to make. Now, you may be alive when 2020 comes around and you may not. But if you are, then you are going to suddenly become 30 years older in age. Yes, that's right. If you are 30, then you will become 60. If you are 25, then you will become 55; you get the idea. Some of you may survive when we hit 2020. If you are below the age of 60, then you may live another five or six years. If you are 90, then you will drop dead, immediately.
Now, you may ask why I am making this awful prediction. Well, the answer is quite simple: the question wants me to. I am not a pessimist. The idea just landed in my mind while I sit in this noisy library and try to get my work done. Why do I say you will add exactly 30 years to your age? Well, I don't know. I just thought of that number. I didn't think twice and I thought 30 would be a good age to add. Is the prediction going to come true? Probably not. I am not a psychic, just a student would wants to make bold predictions. But, becuase it did hit my mind, it must have some meaning behind it. I mean, why didn't I make a prediction about the sun disappearing from the sky, or about us running out of chairs? Maybe on second thoughts, the prediction will come true. Instead of turning 26 in 2020, I will turn 56. Oh. I don't like the sound of that.
Challenge 22: Third Stage
When I am awake and living, I am confused. I am not sure what exactly is happening all the time. Maybe there is a math concept I don't understand, maybe the English essay seems to long, maybe the amount of information I collect throughtout the day is too much for my head. What do I do in these situation? Well, I sleep. Yes, just fall right asleep. Usually I dream about things that are bothering me, people I worry about, falling off cliffs, or getting chased by a man in black. When I get up in the morning, I still have that lingering feeling flowing through my body, whether it be frustration, anger, jelousy, nervousness, happiness, or satisfaction. However, the good thing about dreaming is, beside the feeling, I don't remember anything else when I wake up. It just floats right out of my mind and doesn't bother me anymore.
However, there is a third stage that lies between living and dreaming. Although quite important, this stage is often oblivious to some of us. The third stage is understanding. This stage is something we all need to go through and most of us do. During this phase, the human mind undstands something. It undestands the math concept, it understands the information provided, and it understand how to perform that specific task. It understands that the feeling felt after waking up from a nightmare is real. It understands that these feelings are hidden at the back and may only emerge while dreaming. Sometimes, in order to understand, the human mind must mix both reality and dreams, and somehow create meaning. Sometimes I feel like I am stuck between these two phases: dream and reality. I can't tell one from the other. Then, something clicks in my head. I understand something and it is part of both a dream and reality.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Challenge 21: Influence
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Challenge 19: Impression
As I stepped into my bedroom, which would be the one I would stay in for the next two years, I had a little panic attack. Yes, I was a brand new student and had barely made any friends. I glanced at the door and looked at the names of my roommates who were complete strangers at that time: Fayza, Nina, Prakruti, Ji Sung, and Jin Young. I looked inside the room and found that I was the last one to arrive: all the beds except for one were made and the cupboards filled with clothes. None of my roommates were there at that moment. I smiled at the thought of having to sleep on a bunk bed as that too was new to me.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Challenge 18: Negative
Friday, November 18, 2011
Challenge 17: Jogging?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Challenge 16: Advice
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Challenge 15: Adjectives
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Challenge 14: X
135. Find x. (University of Chicago)
X exists.
X can be found in the tears of a child.
X can be found in the tensed shoulders of a worried mother.
X can be found in the fabrics of a sweater.
X can be found in the pebbles of a bank.
X can be found in the caps of water bottles.
X can be found buried in the soil.
X can be found in the enamel of our teeth.
X can be found on the sharp lead of a pencil.
X can be found in the words of a book.
X can be found in the many layers of a tree trunk.
X can be found in the bright lining of the clouds.
X can be found on the weathered soles of our shoes.
X can be found in the yellow light of the bulb.
X can be found in the steep high school ramp.
X can be found in the weak chairs of the classroom.
X can be found on the rows of shelves of the library.
X can be found on the blur ink of a stamp.
X can be found in the uncomfortable toilet seat.
X can be found on the tall concrete steps.
X can be found on the wooden pegs.
X can be found on the creaky doors of my locker.
X can be found on a long, green pole.
X can be found in the conformed rows of wooden seats.
X can be found in the black and white keys of a piano.
X can be found in an isolated art room.
X can be found on the green fences of the school.
X can be found on the strange doors of strange people.
X can be found on the dark, paved roads.
X can be found along the green hillside.
X can be found in the colorful rows of shops.
X can be found on the tasty soup of a restaurant.
X can be found on the cheap sunglasses they sell by the roadside.
X can be found on a not-very-scary Pharaoh’s Wheel.
X can be found on the winding path of a journey.
X can be found in the stuffy compartments of a train.
X can be found in the atmosphere of an air-conditioned hotel.
X can be found in the two, black suitcases.
X can be found in the newly-renovated veranda of a home.
X can be found in the blue family car.
X can be found in the welcoming room of your parents.
X can be found on the toys from your childhood.
X can be found in the eleven-year-old tree outside your house.
X can be found in the tiny shop that never shuts down.
X can be found in the faces of my old friends.
X can be found in the movement of the wind chimes.
X can be found under the warm blanket.
X can be found in my dirty laundry.
X can be found in old, familiar storage room.
X can be found everywhere, as you might have noticed.
So what is X? Well, that is something that still is a mystery to me. X is unknown, and I cannot be sure as to what it is. However, there is one thing that I know for sure: X exists. It lives in all the things that are associated to me: the things I touch, I smell, I fell, I taste, I see, or I remember. X is the memories I make, the things I won’t forget. Maybe I will never be able to put a finger and tell you confidently that I have found X, but I can assure you that X exists. It is around me, all the time, because I know that it is a part of me. So don’t worry because even though I haven’t found X yet, I won’t stop looking.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Challenge 13: Experience
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Challenge 12: Memories
I remember when we went to the zoo once, and my father wanted my sister to stand in front of a cage with a small bear in it so that he could take a picture of her. My sister was very terrified and started screaming: “I am scared that the bear will eat my butt from the back!" It was very cute!
Then once, we went to the beach. It was the first time that I ever saw such a great amount of water. I pulled at my mother's sleeves, and she asked me what was wrong. I looked at her with eyes full of wonder, and said, "Mamu, who spilled so much water here?" My parents still laugh about it every time is comes up in our conversations.
Another time, when I was playing with the pebbles outside our home, our driver, who lived in the small room outside the house, came up to me and offered me fried frogs and snakes. I was terrified, I screamed, and with tears gushing out of my eyes, I ran into the house.
In the same house, I remember the first time I saw my mother's drawings. She drew a grape vine and a big wolf sleeping underneath it. I remember thinking how good she was and that I wanted to be just as good.
However, these are just little fragments of memories left with me from my time in Cambodia. The thing that made it so great was my sister. She loved to play pranks on me and would make me cry quite often. Though I often got irritated by her, I loved her, and I still do. When I look at the photography above, I understand how much my sister means to me. She is smarter than me, brighter than me, and has a much better personality. She gets excited every time I return home and saves up her money in order to buy me presents. She cares for me, and what is more is that I can feel how important I am in her life. Sometimes, I feel selfish and ignorant because I do not pay attention to her and all the things that she goes on and on about. However, ultimately, we are going to ride on the same bike throughout our lives, caring and looking out for each other as we enjoy our time together. I know that maybe she won't always be looking into the camera, knowing what is happening, as she has a curious mind, but I will just go on smiling and being happy to have such a great sister like her.