Challenge 31: Confusion

165. What confuses you most in life, and why? (University of Virginia)

As an elder sister of two siblings, I am usually the role model in the family. However, when in comes to attitude and reactions to things that bother me, I have to admit my sister handles it better. For example, when I have a headache, my whole day is ruined. I cannot function and I just have to lay down and do nothing. I get grumpy and annoyed at little things and become quite selfish, I admit.I ruin my day as well as everyone else's. My sister, on the other hand, can handle an insignificant thing like a headache way better than me. Although the pain is bothering her, she will shrug it off, put a smile on her face, and move on with her life. But I can't do the same. Why can't I? Well, because I don't want to shrug off something that is bothering me, and instead, I want to see to it that I get a painkiller. And that is the difference between us. When it comes to situations like these where the attitude is concerned, rather than the problem itself, my sister can handle it better. However, does that mean that I have to change the way I am in order to approach life the way my sister does? They say, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Well, no, I can't. And I won't change my attitude just to match my sister's. Yes, maybe I do need to keep in mind that I am taking up somebody else's time and being rather pessimistic, but is asking to be cared for too much? Usually, people get annoyed at me for being grumpy and inconsiderate. They think that I am just wasting my time complaining and that it is bothering them. This is where I get confused. Why can't I express my pessimistic side? Why can't I get to be angry or mad or frustrated or annoyed? Why are other people so bothered by them anyway? These are my emotions too, and I should be able to express them, right? And being cynical at times is good because I am expressing what I am feeling and am not trying to hide it. I want to show that I am bothered, that I am uncomfortable, and that I do not like way things are going. I want to express my feelings because being cynical or any other negative emotion is a part of me, whether everyone likes it or not. And because I am the one who gets to control my own emotions, I will choose to express them or not, no matter the case.